


WHAT IF?

by lixieisasub



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Boy Lee Minho | Lee Know, Gay Sex, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Other, Past Relationship(s), Sex, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, bad boy lee felix, drug addict bang chan, felix want to die, kim seungmin/ lee felix - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:21:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22198501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lixieisasub/pseuds/lixieisasub
Summary: today just wasn't jeongins day, he missed his classes, broke his phone, and lost his package, what he didn't expect was a bunch of CDs outside of his door, he was curious after all."Today marks 2 years since it happened"didn't anyone ever tell him that curiosity killed the cat"to be honest, I am still not over it"that's his neighbor Felix
Relationships: Bang Chan & Lee Minho | Lee Know, Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin & Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by Yoongi's confession

Jeongin sat quietly as he waited for the CDs to start playing, he knew this was wrong, who knows what it might be, what if it was a sex tape, or worse kittens getting killed, while he was out of the world thinking what might the CDs be about, a voice that sounded so familiar brought him out of it

“ Today marks 2 years since it happened, 04,04,19”

Snapping out of it jeongin looked at the screen, there was a small boy with bubblegum pink hair, he looked very familiar but he just couldn't tell who it was, a white sweater that basically ate him because of how small he was, and little hands that were covered with his sweater paws.

“Some days it's hard to believe that this is reality and not a dream”

That's his neighbor Felix.

Jeongin remembers when he first moved here to start school in Seoul, there were a lot of rumors about how Felix used to be the resident sunshine boy but that's all he knew, nobody talked about it, and whoever knew the full story graduated and left the school, but that's not the reason nobody talks about it anymore, but in fact, they are too scared to say anything.

Heck jeongin himself is afraid of Felix, with his red bright hair that you couldn't help but stare at, the piercings that stood out on his skin, the tattoos that painted him, you couldn't help but be afraid of him.

“Back then, none of us thought that this would happen, honestly nobody thought this would happen, we were all just kids with stories that people didn't want to listen too.

The funny thing though, i seriously thought that if any of us was to give in to their pressure, it would be me.

Definitely not him

Not sungminnie”


	2. 2

“Definitely not him

Not sungminnie”

Who is Seungmin? Jeongin though, is he a friend or someone that was the main character in this story?

See, jeongin doesn't really interact with people at school, except his friends Hyunjin and woojin, other than that he doesn't really know anybody, and he knows better than to ask them

The last time he did, they made him promise not to ask anything about him ever again.

“ the thing about sungminnie is that …

He didn't do things like most of us do

He had to be perfect,

All the time,

He always pushed himself

Whether it was student council duties

Or baseball practice

He had to be number 1

I never understood

Until i met his father

It was after a baseball match, except things didn't go to plan, and his team lost, he wasn't the only one who was angry, everyone else was, we were all in the locker room when we heard a loud bang and suddenly the door opened and there his father was, Seungmin quickly made us leave the room, but chan was there he saw what happened, he just didn't tell us”


	3. 3

Thoughts were running around jeongins head, whoever this Seungmin was he sure had it tough, he was very confused, he quickly paused the running cd so he can quickly gather his thoughts

There are more than 2 characters in this story

Not just Felix and Seung-min, but another person named chan, he didn't know where this story was going but did he feel guilty

How is he supposed to see his neighbor in the morning and not think about these things, for once he was happy that Felix never attends school, well not like never, he does come sometimes?

Looking at the clock on the wall, 10:57, he still had time, well more like a lot of time, thankfully it was a Friday, so that means he doesn’t have to get up in the morning.

“ honestly ever since that day, we all noticed how much he started to practice,  
I started to notice how much he was training, whenever the boys left he would stay on the felid by himself, he didnt sleep, i think he also skipped meals, me and chan Hyung tried to look out for him, but he just wouldn't listen.

So we decided to leave him alone, which now looking back at it, was the worst thing i could have ever done

That week there was news that we received a new student

His name was han jisung

And he was very pretty.

Han and i eventually became close, very close.

“You know sex makes you forgot what's going on” that's all he had to say for me to agree.

It wasn't just a one-time thing, but we started to do it so often that anyone that wasn't blind could tell.

Chan once pulled me aside and asked what was going on

I told him i didnt know and that he should just mind his own business

Looking back at it, we should have talked and found a solution to stop it 

it did more damage than we thought it would


	4. Chapter 4

Jeongin knew that love didnt exist, he saw it growing up how his parents would act as if they were fine in front of him, and fight as soon as he was gone, or how the only person he loved left him to deal with his parents alone, sure his older brother may have it tougher than him, but he too wanted to leave.

Jeongin remembers the first time someone gave him a valentine’s card, that cute girl that was sat in the front of the classroom, how he didnt accept it and made her cry, how the teacher talked to his mom about it and got the lecture of his lifetime.

Jeongin knows it's hard to befriend people because of trust, he couldn’t just trust anybody, and he was grateful that he had 2 friends that cared about him.

“ you know, the eight of us were all really close, we had what some might say the best friends of this lifetime, except we were all liars.

We weren’t what we were known of in school, and that took a toll on all of us

the nine of us all knew each other some ways other people couldn’t 

After all, we all had a story to tell

We all were kids who became adults quickly in life 

We had seen stuff kids our age didnt see,

And maybe that's why everyone ignored us at school, 

Gearpark was where we always met up, minho would bring the beer and changbin got the cigarettes.

It was always like that, us together.

Even if some fights occurred 

Or if someone did some stupid shit 

It was okay 

Because the only place, that we could talk without ruining each other's lives was gearpark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, this is the author.
> 
> if you guys notice something wrong the book don't be afraid to tell me 
> 
> and can you guys please comment whether you liked the book or not


	5. Chapter 5

“ suengmin was different from us,

While we did what we had to do,

He would always find ways to make us stop,

It's was a week after he finally broke out of his shell

And we all started hanging out together

Even though he didnt know who jisung was 

He tried to talk to him and understand him, for me 

That's what he said when he found us in the car that day.

And then everything went back to before 

Ignoring us, and telling us that he can’t be seen with us because he had a reputation to keep

No matter how much you try, nobody will ever understand,  
That's what the note said when i found him that day.

It's my fault? Isn’t it?

While everyone around me told it wasn’t my fault 

They didnt know 

And neither did jisung.

We all decided to take a break from being together,

So that we could be stronger the next time we see each other 

Ｒ．Ｉ．Ｐ

ｋｉｍ ｓｕｅｎｇｍｉｎ 

２０００－２０１７


	6. Chapter 6

he woke up, sweat-drenched all around him, shivering as the cold hit his body

He tried to stop, 

Tried to stop these thoughts from coming back,

He didnt needs them anymore 

He should easily move on, like everyone else

But he was a coward 

Those thoughts controlled him fully 

Making sure he had no place to stay

He had tried to run away

But these thoughts keep on coming back

He stood up, got out of his bed 

Walked to the window 

Looking outside he thought 

“How would it be if the past all changed”

He is all alone 

Because of a stupid mistake 

No matter how many times they say it's not his fault

Looking for the box that contained all of the forgotten memorise

His name was Felix


	7. authors note

Authors note

You guys can skip this if you want, but I think that a lot of people are confused? Maybe i don't know

I will try to explain as much as i can.

Ok so in chapter 1; jeongin finds some CDs and he decided to play them, it's like a screen thing- so like you can see Felix, at first he doesn't recognize him because he looks different, but his deep voice gives him away.

In chapter 2, jeongin exposes the fact that he knows hyunjin and woojin who would be important later on.  
Hyunjin and woojin don't like it when he mentions Felix, you would know why later

3.chapter 3  
All of them are in the baseball team of their school and seungmin is the captain.  
Pay attention to what Felix said about his father it will be very important later on   
Chan knows something about his father, which if he told the others they could have helped, and he feels very guilty.

4\. Chapter 4  
Jeongin doesn't believe in love   
The 8 of them always meet up in a park cause they all are very different from each other 

5\. Chapter 5   
This chapter is important   
Seungmin is different from the rest of them, likes to keep his feelings to himself.  
Jisung doest know about seungmin   
Felix thinks he is the reason for seungmins suicide  
This chapter will be explained more after

6\. Chapter 6  
This is where we stopped  
This chapter is not one of the CDs  
But it's in Felix point of view  
It tells you that he can't move on and that he needs help, but can't find it anywhere  
The CDs help him feel better  
He realizes their gone


End file.
